


nothing to lose

by lawyerdonut



Category: Kingdom Hearts, Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Pirate, England????, Gen, I just really like pirates, Long-form, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, also ansxig if you squint i guess, nausea mention, privateers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25413517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lawyerdonut/pseuds/lawyerdonut
Summary: Bankruptcy in this age is not so pleasant. At least, not in the way Xigbar is experiencing it. Slumped over in a sweaty tavern with so much alcohol swimming in his brain he could barely think. In one hand, a crumpled final notice from his bank. In the other, a sticky cup with a drink that’s long gone dry.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

Bankruptcy in this age is not so pleasant. At least, not in the way Xigbar is experiencing it. Slumped over in a sweaty tavern with so much alcohol swimming in his brain he could barely think. In one hand, a crumpled final notice from his bank. In the other, a sticky cup with a drink that’s long gone dry. 

The tavern is loud, chattering voices and clinking glasses. Xigbar’s silver-black hair is no longer tied at the base of his neck and instead falls across his shoulders and down his back in greasy, unwashed strands. His eyepatch fell off around four drinks ago, when he was still able to dodge the thoughts of his bankruptcy and the hanging that will inevitably arrive with it. The amber light from the candles and lanterns highlights the dirt and grime on the jovial faces of the other patrons; they laugh and dance and bump into Xigbar. He stares down the bottom of his glass and raises a heavy hand to signal the bartender.

The bartender isn’t anything remarkable, but he has a permanent sneer on his face, contrasting sharply with the smiles surrounding him.

“You’ve had enough. Pay up or get out.” He plucks the glass from Xigbar’s hand. Grumbling to himself, Xigbar pushes himself out of his chair, struggling to stand. He stumbles through the crowd, getting a few dirty looks.

Just as he reaches the door, he picks up on a conversation a few feet away. Muffled by the other voices, he can only pick up on a few words.

“...join the crew for free… yeah. Heard it pays a lot…” 

A job? Not just that, a job that  _ pays _ . Xigbar drags a hand across his face and makes his way toward the voice, stopping in front of a table with two men sitting across from each other. The man who was talking bore several silver piercings in both ears, and stunning platinum blonde hair cropped short, as if he had just taken a razor knife and hacked away at it. The other man was considerably younger with shaggy indigo hair and deep blue eyes that seem to have aged faster than their owner.

“Do you need something?” 

“I don’t, uh…” Xigbar blinks, trying to refocus his hazy mind. “I don’t mean to overhear, but you, um, mentioned something about a job?” 

Through the fog, Xigbar catches the men glance down at the bank notice in his hand. He almost hides it, but he’s caught off guard by the response.

“You’re in debt, aren’t you?” The blonde says with a smile that screams malice. “Oh, Ienzo, he’s going to be hanged.” Xigbar holds the bank note a little tighter. The other man chuckles darkly.

“Meet us at the docks at dawn. Make sure you’re sober.” 

“What’s the job?” Xigbar blinks slowly.

“Someone needs a crew to go after the Jewel of the Seas.” The older man looks down at his glass and smiles cynically. 

“Jewel of the Seas…” Xigbar echoes.

“Aye. The biggest pearl the world has ever seen. Shame it’s at the edge of the world, what with the freezing temperatures,” lowering his voice, he continues. “They say the storms there are the wrath of the Almighty, punishing the men with enough greed to lay claim to such a beauty. No ship has ever made it back.” The younger one, Ienzo, clears his throat and shakes his head disapprovingly.

“An old sailor’s tale. Using one of the fastest ships in the Old World, the captain hopes to get to it before anyone else. Dangerous job, so the boss is offering a hefty cut of the profits to the crew. Though I suppose we should introduce ourselves-” The younger is cut off by a shout from across the room.

“I told ye to get out, loiter-sack!” The bartender’s plain face is distorted and red. Xigbar turns his body slowly, readying a comeback when a gunshot echoes through the tavern and a bullet whizzes past his bad eye and buries itself in the wall behind him.

That sobers him up. He scrambles through the screaming crowd and bursts into the open night, rushing down an alleyway to catch his breath. The night air is no cooler than that of the tavern, and it hangs heavy with the sound of people pouring out of the building. He plasters himself to the wall, dizzy. When was the last time he ate something?

Doesn’t matter now, does it? Pushing his hair out of his face, he stares blankly at the bankruptcy notice in his hand as he mulls over what the two men had said. A dangerous journey with a sizable payout doesn’t sound so bad. Especially not when considering the alternative. Xigbar tears the banknote to pieces and stomps it under his foot, glancing up to see that all the patrons had cleared the cobblestone street.

The man with silver-black hair and nothing to lose stumbles to the docks, waiting for dawn.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for nausea mention. It isn't descriptive, but I just want yall to be safe!

It isn’t dawn. 

It isn’t dawn, and yet Xigbar is woken by two men throwing a heavy coat on him.

“Who-” he sits bolt upright, wincing at the headache that follows. He glances up and sees the men from the tavern.

“I’ll be honest, I didn’t expect you to be here this early.” The blonde speaks down at him. “You’ll want that coat. It’s cold where we’re going.” He looks down at the coat. Heavy, brown leather. Xigbar shoves it off of him and stands, ignoring the pounding behind his eyes.

“Don’t need your charity, blondie.” He feels like he swallowed a mouthful of cotton. Putting his hand up to his face, he realizes he left his eyepatch in the tavern last night.

“Looking for this?” Xigbar turns his head and sees Ienzo dangling the eyepatch off his index finger; he lunges for it, but the kid stuffs it in his pocket. “Found it in the tavern last night after the bartender nearly killed you. I figured I’d pick it up.”

“Yeah, and? Give it back.” The older man claps a hand on his shoulder.

“We never properly introduced ourselves, did we? I’m Luxord. That’s Ienzo.”

“Charmed,  _ Luxord _ .” Xigbar spits at him. “Give me back the eyepatch, kid.”

Infuriatingly, Ienzo just smiles back at him. “That’s no way to treat your future cabin mates. I think we need to know your name first.”

“Xigbar.” He says with a scowl. Ienzo drops the eyepatch into his hand and Xigbar swats Luxord’s hand away. He turns his back to them, looking out at the dark sea. 

“You don’t have much at stake here, do you, Xigbar?” Behind him, Luxord speaks again. It might be the massive hangover, but there’s something in his voice Xigbar finds infuriating. A particularly strong spike in his headache has him clutching onto the rope railing, grumbling to himself.

“Why do you care?”

“Dawn will break in a few minutes, Luxord. Leave the interrogation up to the captain.” A wave of nausea breaks over him, and he turns back to the men.

“Yeah? And what kind of nut job is this captain?” 

“They are the fiercest captain to ever grace this Earth.” Ienzo corrects. “Captain Neo, also known as-”

“Stars, do you ever shut your mouth?” Xigbar barks out, albeit a bit more aggressive than he meant. He cradles his head in his hands. “You’d think someone would slap some sense into you by this point.” 

Out of the little peripheral vision he has left, he sees a tall figure walking toward them. 

“I have slapped sense into him before, you know.” 

They come closer, and Xigbar can make out their features. They’re very heavily scarred, with many small, deep gashes. The morning light breaks behind the figure, making them appear as if they had an orange halo. Locs pulled up into a loose bun, dark skin that glowed in the early dawn, a billowing coat. 

“Captain Neo! We brought a recruit.” Ienzo stands at attention. Xigbar rolls his eye. But as the captain draws closer to him, he can’t help but shrink a little bit under their steeled gaze.

“I see that. Hungover, as expected. Your name?” They’re old, around his age, but with youthful eyes that scan his face.

“His name is Xigbar, cap’n.” Luxord comments from behind the captain. They hold up a finger to silence him.

“Didn’t ask, Luxord. Your name?” They punctuate with a flourish of the hand.

“Xigbar.”

“Hm. Bankrupt, yeah?”

“Yep.”

“No familial ties?” Xigbar balks, and the captain laughs heartily before slapping him in the shoulder. “I know you don’t have any! Welcome to the crew, Xigbar. You’ll be a fine fit.” They walk away from him, smiling all the while. What a character…

“Where’s the rest of the crew?” He calls after them. 

“Well, I wasn’t expecting you to show up this early,” Xigbar casts a glare at Luxord, who just smiles in return. “We’re departing this afternoon, so you can go get wasted in another tavern until then. Unless you’re feeling useful?”

The captain throws him a length of rope, thick and heavy; he barely catches it. Luxord and Ienzo laugh at his stumble.

* * *

He’s led onto a ship that’s smaller than he expected. A small two-masted fishing schooner, it doesn’t seem to hold the capacity for more than twenty crew members. The hull is made from teak, a hard wood that boasts a silvery grey tint from years of sailing the seas. Carved on its side in large blackletter font reads the name of the ship: _ Middleman _ . 

Neo gestures for Xigbar to follow them into the captain’s quarters. He does and is shocked at how barren the room is. Small wisps of light filter through the grimy windows, and in the corner sit a small cot and a pine writing desk. The room is dominated by a large map table surrounded by a few chairs.

“Sit.” Neo lights a candle and sets it on the table, taking a seat of their own. “Before I can officially let you on the crew, I’ll be needing to get to know you.”

Xigbar shifts uncomfortably in his seat, feeling pinned down under the captain’s stark purple eyes.

“Of course. What do you need to know?” He gulps unconsciously. 

“Relax, Xigbar. This is only a formality.” Neo’s gaze softens as they smile. “You have any sea-faring experience?”

“Nah,” he leans back in his chair a little. “I used to work in a kitchen for the poor, until I started taking some of the food for myself. Turns out that the big guys don’t like the poor when they’re on their own staff, y’know?”

The captain’s eyes light up. “Kitchen, huh? Any good?”

“Oh, you bet. Not to brag,” he locks his hands behind his head and grins. “But everyone that came through the soup kitchen always asked if I was on duty that day.”

“Well, Xigbar. You seem to have just earned yourself the title of head chef.” 

Xigbar’s eye flew open in disbelief. “Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously. Do you always question your good fortune?” Neo laughs heartily and stands, moving the candle to the desk and beginning work on something. “You may want to talk to Luxord about your sleeping arrangements.”

He stands and turns to leave, but stops before his hands leave the back of the chair. “If you don’t mind my asking, where exactly are we sailing to, Captain?”

“Didn’t Luxord tell you?” The captain turns around, purple eyes glinting dangerously under the amber light. Their voice is fervent. “The place where no man has sailed and lived, the seas that swallow men whole, where the storms harbor the fury of the Lord. This place, Xigbar,” The captain steps closer to him, gesturing broadly toward the map and leaning down to nearly whisper in his ear. 

“This place holds more treasures than we can comprehend. The Jewel of the Seas is only the beginning, you see. Caverns full of rubies and diamonds and gold lie just beyond the trials. It was designed so only the worthiest can lay eyes on them. Do you know the reason why no ship has ever come back from there?”

“N-no, Captain.”

“Their ships are full of the greedy, the rich men who seek to further their wealth. But,  _ we _ ,” They turn to look him straight in the eye, and Xigbar swears he can see straight into the captain’s soul. “We are not rich. We only seek to gain enough to sustain ourselves. By building a crew out of the poor, we will be able to overcome the hurdles the Lord sets before the treasure.

“When we arrive, we must only take as much as we need. Otherwise, we will face demons unlike the world has ever seen.” Neo puts out the candle with their fingertips, and Xigbar realizes the sunlight has fully lit the cabin. They smile wickedly and straighten their back. “I believe you have a dinner to prepare for, Xigbar. Plan for around ten in attendance.”

The captain gives him a wink and shoves him out of the room into the bright sunlight.


	3. Chapter 3

Since Xigbar had the title of head chef thrust on him, he’s spending the whole day cooking a beef stew with some loaves of bread. The kitchen he’s in is a lot smaller than he’s used to, with a tiny porthole to let light in. A chopping board sits directly next to a wood-burning stove; barrels of ingredients line the walls.

A teenage girl is the first to greet him, peeking through the doorway as he’s chopping vegetables. Her raven hair contrasts greatly with her ocean-blue eyes. She stares up at him wordlessly for a few minutes, until Xigbar lets out an annoyed sigh.

“What, you need something?” He sets the knife down, returning her stare. 

“You’re the cook.”

“Really? No way!” He feigns shock. “Whose kid are you, anyway?”

“I’m nobody’s kid!” The girl places her hands on her hips defiantly. “The name’s Xion. I’m Neo’s head navigator!”

“Sounds great, kiddo. Now scram. I’m busy.” He picks the knife back up again, resuming the chopping. Xion doesn’t move. “Don’t you have a map to doodle on?”

“It isn’t polite to know my name when I don’t know yours.” Sighing, he kneels down to her eye level, speaking in a harsh tone.

“The name’s Xigbar, and it isn’t polite to not listen to the people who are older than you. Get out of here.” Xion seems pleased with that answer and leaves, only for yet another crew member to enter.

A tall man with tanned skin and dove-white hair lingers in the doorway. Xigbar doesn’t pay attention to him at first until he turns around to grab a bag of potatoes on the ground and bumps right into him.

“Whoa, sorry.” He chuckles, with a voice so deep Xigbar wasn’t sure he’d actually heard it. “The captain told me we had a new recruit. Name’s Ansem.” Ansem holds out a hand. Xigbar cautiously shakes it as he stands.

“Xigbar.” He turns back to the counter, glancing back at Ansem. His eyes are a deep orange, and he seems to exude an otherworldly aura. Xigbar tries to focus on not cutting himself with the knife.

“I see you met Xion already.”

“Yeah. Is she actually the head navigator, or did Neo have pity on her?”

“Surprisingly, the girl is excellent at charting. Xion has been the navigator for us for years.”

“What about you?”

“I work the cannons. Cleaning, loading, maintenance.” Ansem steps closer to him, leaning on the countertop casually. Annoyingly, his hand is in the way of where Xigbar needs to put the potatoes. With a smirk, he drops the entire bag of potatoes on Ansem’s hand, who jumps back. Those orange eyes stare at him in a mix of confusion and anger.

“Whoops. My bad.” He chuckles to himself.

“I see how it is.” Ansem turns away, slamming the door on his way out.

“Oh, do you?” Xigbar says to the empty air Ansem left behind.

* * *

Neo stands tall at the foot of the table as Xigbar passes bowls of soup to the sitting crew. There are a couple of faces he doesn’t recognize, mainly a mousy-haired young man and a perpetually scowling lady.

“Mates. Welcome to your first night aboard  _ The Middleman _ . I’d like to introduce you all to our latest crew member. Xigbar, come here.” Nervously, he walks up to Neo, who wraps an arm around his shoulders warmly. “As you may have guessed, he is our ship’s cook. Xigbar, I assume you’ve met the crew?”

He looks down the table and catches Ansem’s eye. He mirrors his frown. 

“I’ve met most of them.” He says flatly, averting his eyes to instead look at Luxord and Ienzo, who were snickering to themselves.

“Haven’t met me!” The mousy kid pipes up with a giant smile. Xigbar rolls his eyes.

“Ah, Demyx!” Neo gives Xigbar a cheeky smile. “He’s our musician on board.”

“Musician?” Xigbar scoffs and shifts uncomfortably.

“Hey, gotta keep morale up somehow!” Xigbar can already tell he is not going to like this guy. Across the table, the blonde one speaks up.

“I’ll save you the introduction. Larxene. I’m the ship’s carpenter.” She smiles coldly at Xigbar. He doesn’t give her the satisfaction of returning the expression. Neo squeezes his shoulder and raises their glass.

“Guess that’s all, then. A toast to the first night aboard  _ The Middleman _ . Together, we will go where no man has gone before. Aye?” Neo hands him a glass and clinks against it.

“Aye!” The crew echo, and they all down their drinks. Xigbar sits down next to Xion and Ansem, ripping off a hunk of bread. Across the table, Larxene eyes him carefully. Xigbar keeps his eye on his dinner, not really wanting to start anything on his first night.

“Hey, Xigbar.” Demyx calls from down the table. Xigbar leans in to look at him.

“Yeah?”

“Where did you learn to cook?”

“What do you need to know that for?”

“Come on, old man. Tell us.” Larxene says with a sly smile.

“Old man? How old do you think I am?”

“Sixty?” Xion pipes up.

“I am not  _ sixty _ years old.”

“You cook like it.” Ienzo mutters under his breath, and the table erupts in laughter. 

Xigbar stands suddenly. “What is this? Does every ship just pick on the newest crew member?” The crew just got louder.

“It’s a compliment.” Ansem’s measured voice splits through the noise. 

“What?” He hisses, hands braced on the table.

“Age comes with wisdom. Older cooks have more experience and thus, cook better meals.” Ansem looks gently at him, his face missing the cruel humor of the rest of them. 

“Oh,” Xigbar’s expression softens and he sits back down. “Well, thank you.”

He smiles to himself as he turns back to his food and the table returns to their other conversations. Xigbar can’t help but steal a glance at Ansem every few seconds. What he doesn’t know is that Ansem has been doing the same since the start of the meal.

* * *

After all the food had been eaten, and Neo had retired to their quarters for the night, Xigbar starts to silently clean the galley. He starts to get used to the gentle sway of the boat. Soft amber light comes from the single remaining lantern on the table. It reminds him of the night before, in the bar. A foggy memory that seems to grow more and more distant the more miles away from the shore the ship gets.

“I forgive you.” A voice from the door of the galley. It’s Ansem. 

“For what?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Dropping a ten pound bag on my hand.” He clears his throat and starts cleaning some dishes alongside Xigbar. “I don’t enjoy having issues on the first night. So, I let it go.”

“I thought we were just going to hate each other,” He laughs quietly. “I mean, not everyday someone  _ forgives _ me.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, I mean… people have hated me since I was born. I never get mercy, you know?”

“Unfortunately, I do.” Ansem sets down the bowl he was working on and looks at Xigbar, a small smile on his lips. “I think we are going to get along nicely, Xigbar.”

“Something is telling me the same thing, Ansem.”

As they finish the dishes, a chorus of voices singing a wayfaring tune drifts through the air. He blows out the lantern, relishing in the moonlight that comes through the singular porthole and paints the room in an unearthly blue-white tinge. Somehow, it seems like the sea is where Xigbar is meant to be.


	4. Chapter 4

Xigbar’s snoozing in the middle of the day. Again. Larxene has half a mind to wake him up by dropping the contents of her toolbox on his stomach, but Luxord stops her with a stern look.

“Make wise decisions, Larxene. Don’t want to end up with biscuits and grog for dinner again.”

“The old man barely does anything to help around here! I just think he should pitch in a little more.”

With an eyeroll, Larxene walks away. It’s so like Luxord to let Xigbar get away with whatever he wants. She hauls a length of rope around her shoulder, grumbling as she walks down the stairs to the deck below. Demyx is sitting on a barrel tuning his lute. He notices her sour expression immediately.

“Woah, what happened up there?”

“Luxord is babying Xigbar, unsurprisingly. The geezer sleeps so much, it’s a wonder he’s even alive!” Larxene unloads the rope on the ground and sits down next to Demyx, fidgeting with her toolbox.

“Yeah, well he is Neo’s favorite…” Demyx shrugs. 

“Pfft. Figures. Neo can’t resist picking up strays.”

“Ha. Yeah. ‘I’m Captain Neo and I look for the crew members that always cause trouble because I have a  _ big heart _ .’” Demyx does a poor imitation of their captain. Larxene lets out a short but genuine laugh, and he giggles like a little kid. 

“‘I sent my first mate into the worst tavern on the island looking for new crew members, because obviously that’s how you get the  _ best  _ of the best!’” Larxene could barely finish before she erupted into laughter. Demyx sets down his lute, absolutely beaming.

“‘I hired the first carpenter that came up to me because she gave me twenty shillings.’ Right?” He laughs heartily before realizing that Larxene’s rare smile had quickly turned into a sneer.

“What did you say?” Larxene drops a hammer on the ground, staring at Demyx. He immediately turns red and starts stammering.

“I was just poking fun! I didn’t mean anything by it-”

“Who told you that?” She stands, looming over him dangerously.

“I, uh- They didn’t, I mean!” He stands but trips over his own feet and stumbles halfway to the stairs. “Nobody said anything! You didn’t hear anything from me!” Demyx nearly bolts up the stairs before Larxene catches him by the scarf around his neck. She leans in close, lips curling menacingly.

“Who told you that?” She carefully enunciates each word.

“I- uh, it was- they said-”

“Spit it out, or I’ll knock it out of you.”

“Ienzo told me! It was Ienzo!”

Larxene shoves Demyx away and stomps up the stairs on a warpath. As she steps out into the blazing heat of the sun, she spots Ienzo speaking with Xigbar across the deck.

“Ienzo!” Her voice rings extremely clear in Ienzo’s ears, and she runs toward him. He stares at her in fear for a moment before quickly pulling Xigbar and himself into the captain’s quarters and slamming the door on Larxene’s face. With a red face, she screams into the door: “You can’t stay in there forever, coward!”

Muffled by the door, she hears Xigbar. “What’s got her all riled up?”

“Who knows what it is this time.” At Ienzo’s infuriating voice, she punches the wood of the door.

“You think you’re safe in there? You can’t hide behind Neo forever, Ienzo!” Larxene forced herself to walk away from the door before steam came out of her ears; she leaned over the railing and looked at the sea below. Xion came up beside her, holding something in her hands. Larxene really didn’t care and tried to ignore her.

“Is something wrong?” Xion’s voice is soft and tinged with worry. Larxene doesn’t acknowledge her, continuing to stare out at the open sea. After a moment, Xion holds the something in her hand out to Larxene.

Larxene finally looks at it. A small, scrawled map is drawn on a crumpled piece of parchment. She takes it.

“What’s this, a map to buried treasure?” She scoffs and rolls her eyes.

“No!” Xion takes the map from her hands and defensively holds it away from Larxene. “I found land.”

Larxene’s eyes widen and she stares at Xion. “Why are you telling  _ me _ this? Do you understand what this means?”

“Well, I had to-” Xion starts, but Larxene takes her hand and drags her across the deck to Neo’s door. Swinging it open, she expects to see Ienzo, Xigbar, and Neo chumming it up, but there was nobody inside.

“Captain? Xion found something!” Larxene drops Xion’s hand and glances around the room. Nothing was out of the ordinary, except a single broken window. She rushes toward it and leans outside of it, looking down at the sea. Xion comes up next to her and does the same.

Far below them, in the vastness of the sea, a small rowboat containing what appears to be the captain and the two who were cowering in their quarters, along with someone else, rowing the boat. Xion points straight forward, and Larxene realizes a massive ship, nearly four times bigger than the  _ Middleman _ is approaching at a rate faster than she’d ever seen. The wood on the ship is dark and mottled, like it came from the depths of the ocean.

The door behind them swings open, and Ansem runs in. He’s panicked, in a way that Larxene had never seen.

“Where’s Captain Neo?”

Xion opens her mouth to speak, but the ship quakes and knocks all of them to the ground. The sound of several people yelling comes from the deck. Ansem stares at Larxene and Xion.

“We’re being overtaken.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, and sorry for the wait ! the next chapter shouldn't take as long :3


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